Wow~ I almost finish my A level! Super fast. I really don't know what I have learn all this while. Is like I have been dreaming. But at least I have a gang of buddy. I am sure gonna miss them after my A level. All of them will continue their Degree course at different university. (Sigh)... OPSS.. I am out of words. Hahahaha.. Next time only update my blog again. Joseph Lim signing off~

What is my purpose of life?

I have been listening to this song by Yiruma. The title of this song is Time Forget. I am slowly falling in love with this song. It bring peace to my heart and calm my thought but... out of a sudden i have a feeling in heart. I started to close my eyes and feel the sensation. Why, why is it like tat? After my sophomore year, I have changed a lot. My attitude towards my study, my attitude towards my future and my discipline. My college life is really totally different from my high school. I have more fun and waste a lot of my time in games and hanging out with friends. I started to feel that I don't care too much of study anymore not like before where I was still a high school student. I still remember few years back, I am still a high school boy struggling to achieve good results in my SPM. I struggle every moment in my life just to get what I aim for. At last all my hard work paid off. But now i am totally a different person. I am not struggling anymore. I give my self a lot of freedom. I have already forgot my purpose of life. I feel emptiness inside me. Although I have been chasing and finding happiness almost everywhere. I hang out with friends, I play computer games, I watch movies but all this happiness and joy is just temporarily. When I am alone in my room, I felt the loneliness, emptiness again. What is the use of chasing all this? In the end what did I get?! Worst result! Bad health! Bad mood! I neglected my study, my future and myself.

Can You really hear me?

Sometimes i really wonder, can He really hear me? The problem that I worried so much is solve within 24 hours. It was so amazing. He is more and more real in my life. I know that He is working in my life. But will be happening soon I did not know. All I know is just to trust in Him and do my best to help the youth. Although sometimes the youth is so stubborn but as they grow I can see changes within them. I am so glad. Time really flies~ The youth that I knew last time is no longer the same. They have move to the next stages in their life. New problem arose! Hahahaha. Although is a problem but I still can laugh. Do you think I am crazy? I think I am. Problem are mean to face and not run away. Responsibility is what I have learn so far. Never ever run away from problem and always admit it when you are wrong.

My life

Who in this world doesn't want a quite and peaceful life? I guess almost 80% of the people want it. But does it mean that one can get what he or she want? I don't think so. In all my life I wanted this in my life but it seldom happen. Sometimes I really felt like running away to a place where I can that I can really find peace and quiteness. Living a life as I am now is really frustrating. I am really fed up of all the rushing and hectic. I don't like at all! I just want my life back! I want my time back! I want to run far far away from this place! To a place where no body recognise me! I just want to live in peace! To a place without any problem, without any struggle. I know this seems like i wanted to suicide where I can no longer struggle. But this is not what I meant. I raeally wanted to run away from my life now. From the way, the situation I am in right now. Everytime I saw little kids playing around, I'll envy them because I wanted to be like them. So naive, so happy! They don't seems to have any trouble or any sorrow. The only things they are afraid of is their mum. Is when their mum chasing them with the cane. But their life are still so colourful. Full of joy and peace! I am wondering what colour is my life now? Black, white, blue or.......? I really do not know. I am really feeling the stress now even though I am so far away ( seems to be ). Everytime i thought of going back to that place I can feel the stress coming. My heart pumping more and more faster. My body become so warm! My heart is trembling, my brain is cracking, my life is struggling! I can feel the time rush! The time is not my own anymore! I don't have my own time in that place. It is a place full of trouble, full of complaning, full of argument, full of negative thought and full of hectic! I do not want to stuck in this situation anymore. This is not what I ask for. All I ever wanted is a happy and peaceful life. Why is this so hard to achieve? IS THIS POSSIBLE IN MY LIFE NOW? I am really helpless now! Even though how much I wanted to run away but my conscious doesn't allow me to do so!

Sabah trip

It's a wonderful experience. Today I went to Pulau Sapi, very happy. Haha, I never had this close distance with so many fishes before. The water is so clear and so calm. Really felt so satisfied with this trip. This is my first time outing with my college friends till this far. So so so fun! I ate a lot of seafood until diarrhea.. But when there is gaviscon there is nothing to fear of. Haha. Eh eh this is also mu first time writing a blog with iPhone. So weird but good.

Reborn and renew

It has been a long time, since i posted my last blog. Wow, this year is really a tough but adventurous year. I never had this feeling before ever since i become a christian. This is the first time I felt this kind of feeling in me. Is like i am drunk and dancing here and there. But this is really made me rejoice! And one more thing, i watched one hongkong variety show and this guy say: " People write diary is for own self to read but nowadays people write diary for the whole world to read." What does this means? Diary that is read by the owner is known as a diary but diary that is read by the whole world is known as a biography! In olden days only well known people or legend can write biography but now everyone also can be a legend as long as they know how to write a blog~^^

这首歌是Kenny G 的歌。我很喜欢这一首歌。每当我听见这首歌我的心都很平静。令我想起很多很开心和不开心的事。我会想起我小时。那无忧无虑的日子。虽然有时候会给妈妈打但 是过后就没事了。有时候还要妈妈来哄回我，真是好笑！我很想念那些日子哦~ 人长大了真的会变。小时什么都会跟妈妈说但是现在长大了跟妈妈话题都少了。有时候真的不想长大~ 以前什么问题父母都会帮我解决但是现在任何问题都要自己解决了。。我好想回到小时候哦！我真的好想！

Stay Strong KARA!

Actually this few weeks I've been worrying about KARA all the time. They have been going through a hard time in their life. I mean after this incident, things really change in their life. I hope this incident never affect the bond between them. I really love seeing them hugging each other and caring for each other. It really make me feel so warm. Recently, they have been involving in a lawsuit. They had some disagreement with their company, DSP entertainment. And they are a lots of rumors around them. I really quite sad when I knew about it. But anyway, things had gone from bad to good. Everything's almost over now. Kara still exist as 5 members and I really wanted to thank God about that. I've been praying for them all time. Now I am still waiting for the final result from their discussion with DSP. I hope everything go well as it is. Kara I'll always support you! KARA JIANG!

The most beautiful flower

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
beneath the long straggly branches of an old willow tree
Disillusioned by life, with good reason to frown
for the world was intent on dragging me down

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day
a young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
and said with great excitement, " Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight
with its petals all worn, not enough rain or too little light
Wanting him to take the dead flower and go off to play
I faked a small smile and then shifted away

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise
" It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful too.
That's why I picked it; here it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead
not vibrant of colours : orange, yellow or red
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave
so I reached for the flower and replied, " Just what I need."

But instead of placing the flower in my hand
he held it mid-air without reason or plan
It was then that the gears started running in my mind
That weed-toting boy could not see; he was blind

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun
as I thanked him for picking the very best one
"You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play
unaware of the impact he'd had on my day

I sat there and wondered how he manage to see
a self-pitying man beneath an old willow tree
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see
the problem was not with the world; the problem was me
All for all those time I myself had been blind
I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second that's mine

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose,
breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
and smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in his hand
about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

思念

我很想念以前的日子。虽然，有时候会不开心但是很快就没事了。现在长大了，烦恼也多了。真的很想像以前那样开开心心的过每一天。虽然要很早起床上学但是每天回到家都会吃到妈妈做的饭菜。真的很开心。假期又能和朋友去玩，和家人去旅行。我很想念我的家，我的家人，我的朋友。

Responsibility

Keith is fifteen years old. He was once a very bright and intelligent student at Clifford High until one day he meet a friend name Jackson. Keith was at a football practice and there was a new student joined his football team. As the team captain, he introduces the new guy, Jackson to all the other team members. To all of them, Jackson seems to be muscular, quiet, shy guy but little do they know about Jackson’s transfer into their community.

Keith and Jackson seem to get along quite well. They sit beside each other in the classroom, they go for practice together, and they hang out together quite often. Keith parents was quite worried about Keith going well with Jackson as they knew what is the main reason Jackson transfer to his school. They did not tell Keith about it as they trusted Keith so much that Keith will not do anything which is not right. Throughout these fifteen years, Keith seems to carry himself quite well.

One day, Jackson invited Keith to one of his friend’s party.

“ Hey, Keith! Do you mind to hang out at my friend’s party tonight? With all the girls, music and alcohols, I bet you will enjoy it!” says Jackson.

“ Hhhmmmm, I don’t think I want to go. Besides, I still have assignment to do,” reply Keith.

“ You are such a coward! I know what you are thinking. We are going to be fine. Trust me! Your parents will never find out. Come on, man!” Jackson pursued Keith

Five minutes later, Keith says, “ All right. All right. But make sure that you send me home before 12am. I don’t want to freak my parents out for going out so late.”

Keith was enjoying himself at the party and he got real drunk. He wasn’t really sure what Jackson gave to him previously and he was unconscious. When he opens his eyes, he found himself in the police station. And then he saw his parents at bailing him at the counter. He saw both his parent looked at him in disappointment. Jackson was arrested as he is a drug pusher. Keith life changed since that day onwards. He is no longer the popular brilliant kid that he used to be and all his peers called him as “ ADDICT ”.

Take a moment to think. Whose responsibility is this?

Lord, can You tell me how my future will be like? I felt emptiness inside my heart. Where are You Lord? I have no confidence anymore. Lord, You teach me what to do. I found my own goal, I found my dream but I don't have confidence in achieving my goal. I really need some help..

Final T_T

My final exam is getting closer. I am a bit nervous. Next Monday is my final. I really hope this time I can score a good result. My trial result already very worst. I don't want my final exam to be same as my trial. I can't accept it. Anywhere, I already tried my best. I really hope I can achieve my goal. Wish me luck!

我的人生目标

我在一次找到我的人生目标了！我很开心。。我真的很开心！我在也不是那迷失方向的我了。我的自信，能力全都回来了。现在的我会向着这个目标而崩跑。我知道我这次的决定不是一时冲动。我已经想的很清楚了。我将来要做个很出色的精神科医生。我不是说说而已。我一定会做到的！在我一生当中我从来没有对某一个科目那么有兴趣。我甚至去买关于人的性格和身体语言的书来读。我知道了。。这已经不是一时冲动的决定。我会努力的达成我的目标！

Ji Young new MV!  I strongly recommend Kara to those who are K-pop fans. Kara is one of the Korean best girls group. I really love them so much! Honestly, I am Kara die-hard fans. Haha..